


There's No HR in The Dregs

by Void_senpai



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: F/M, Flirting, Fluff, Innuendo, M/M, Short & Sweet, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:14:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26670472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Void_senpai/pseuds/Void_senpai
Summary: And a good thing too, or Nina and Jesper would be getting written up. Constantly.Short fluffy scenes of Matthias and Wylan being mercilessly teased and hit-on by the objects of their affections
Relationships: Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck, Matthias Helvar/Nina Zenik
Comments: 10
Kudos: 68





	1. Crumbs

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, friends! While I was supposed to be writing other things, I was seized with the inspiration to write more of the exact sort of thing that I love in this series: shameless flirting and innuendo that targets our Good Christian Boy and our Little Gay Lamb. So I'm writing fluffy 500ish word scenes of just that.
> 
> Let's make them pink, flustered, and very, very uncomfortable.
> 
> Please comment or message me with prompts and ideas. I'd love to hear them.

Nina & Matthias

* * *

Finally, a moment of respite from days of shooting or being shot at. It wasn’t truly a “break” per se, since Kaz insisted on working since that afternoon until long past sundown. Matthias landed heavily on the sofa in the back room of the club where they had gathered, save for Nina. He was loath to admit it, but he found himself feeling rather unsettled whenever she was out of his sight.

_Damned drusje._

The nervous drumming of his fingers abated when she appeared in the door, quickly shutting it behind her and tittering like a schoolgirl all the way to the cushion beside him. Concealed in her hands was a small tin plate stacked high with honeyed cakes. Stolen from the kitchen again, no doubt.

“You’re going to pay for those next time,” Kaz called flatly without looking up from his work. She stuck out her tongue.

“Take it out of my cut then, you cheapskate.”

“I will.”

After her offer to Matthias was politely declined, Nina promptly began devouring the little cakes in front of her, eyes closed in rapture with every bite. He was watching her from the corner of his eyes, a faint smile on his lips as he observed her in such a state of bliss. This was how he preferred her: smiling, rosy-cheeked, and most importantly, _not talking._ The peace was abruptly disturbed when crumbs fell from her fingers like snowflakes and into her ample bosom, and his gaze quickly darted away to a safer subject. He cleared his throat.

“You should really slow down.”

“Never,” she replied firmly as she swallowed a bite. “You slow down, you die.” He suddenly became very interested in whatever Jesper was up to on the other end of the room. The sharp-shooter glanced over at the pair, tossing a knowing smirk that only made Matthias more uncomfortable.

“You could choke.”

“I can swallow just fine,” she replied, looking right at him with a crooked smile as she licked the remnants from her fingers. Jesper snorted, but the Fjerdan simply blinked at him. Clearly he had missed something.

“Well you’re getting crumbs in your--” He blushed at the realization that he had been staring again, and tore his eyes away. “--on yourself.” This amused her to no end. He should have just kept his mouth shut.

“I’m saving those in case I get hungry later.” She not-so- subtly squeezed her arms inward to further exaggerate her cleavage in what could have only been a display of pure contempt for his sanity. “Why?” she asked, her voice dripping with mock innocence, letting a wicked smile creep onto her lips. “Feeling peckish?” 

He didn’t need a mirror to know that he had turned scarlet, heat soaring through his face like steam from a kettle. He shot up from his seat at the sound of Jesper’s snickering, which had now caught the attention of Wylan and Inej, and strode stiffly out of the room. He wondered how long prayer was going to protect him from this shameless girl and his even more shameless thoughts. 

  
_Not much longer._


	2. Ricochet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, Ma! I did it! Why do I only get ideas when I should be doing something else?
> 
> Please send your ideas so I might actually finish my other WIP's before Thanksgiving.

**Jesper & Wylan**

* * *

You never forget your first shootout.

What started as a leisurely midday visit to a Ravkan bakery had landed Jesper, Nina, and the merchling in the crossfire of some petty squabble between a handful of Razor Gulls. Probably over either a girl or someone’s gambling winnings coming up short. They were rather ugly blighters, so Jesper assumed the latter.

Despite having spent so much time slumming on the streets of Ketterdam, the newest addition to the Crows had terror etched on his face. Poor thing. Jesper almost felt guilty for being so nonplussed, but this truly was just another day in paradise. They ducked into a narrow alleyway, where Nina commenced whining about her empty stomach while Jesper returned fire in a fruitless attempt to break up the fight.

“Can’t you dumbshits take this to your own turf?” he barked, his back flat to the brick wall of a book shop. 

“Piss off, Fahey!” one answered. “Take your girl and the baby somewhere else if you’re gonna be so sensitive.”

“I’m not a baby--”

“He’s right,” Nina nodded solemnly, clutching the boy dramatically to her breast. “This is no place to raise a child.” He found Wylan scowling at her from over his shoulder, his shaking hands now clenched into fists. He was so cute when he was angry. It was like being nipped at by a kitten.

“I’m the same age as both of--AHH!”

Jesper’s amusement turned to dread as Wylan collapsed onto one knee with a strangled cry. Holstering his actual babies, he rushed over to them. A coin-sized stain was growing around a hole in his trousers on the inside of his upper thigh. Grabbing an arm each, then hauled him up onto a stack of wooden crates.

“I’m no ballistics expert, but I think one must have ricocheted off the wall and nicked him,” Nina observed. His heart sank. Now the poor boy was trembling. She carefully placed her hands on him and closed her eyes. “Just a flesh wound, but there’s still a bit of metal in there.” 

A sigh of relief, and then one of weariness as she fixed Jesper with a look that was more of a command. Removing it was going to be a challenge with him quaking like a leaf, even with his Materialki powers. Spreading Wylan’s knees further apart, he knelt between them, his eyes almost level with his navel. He’d been pale with fright, but a pronounced flush was reaching his ears, staring down at him with eyes wide as saucers. Wylan froze.

“W-what are you doing?” It gave Jesper an awful idea.

“Just relax, merchling,” he purred, tearing a larger gash in Wylan’s trousers. His fingertips slid inside the fabric to gently probe the soft milky flesh beneath. Now the boy was pink.

“Hey!”

“I could take them off of you instead, if you want,” he replied in a low voice, shooting him a suggestive smile. “All you ever have to do is ask.”

Crimson.

“No--I mean--why are you--” The sudden lack of the Zemeni’s touch stopped his stammering. He was smirking up at Wylan with a tiny piece of iron cradled in the palm of his hand.

“Oh.”

Visibly annoyed, Nina pulled Jesper away by the collar and leaned in so only he could hear.

“It would be a lot easier for me to stop the bleeding if you hadn’t sent all his blood running downhill.” Jesper grinned.

“Worth it.”


	3. Newlyweds

Nina & Matthias

* * *

“I don’t see why you couldn’t have done this with Jesper,” Matthias grumbled.

She knew Matthias didn’t care for public balls. He thought they were little more than a flimsy excuse for lewd behavior and drunken foolishness.This particular errand was pitched to him as recon. What Kaz didn’t tell him was that Nina would be posing as his wife. That was her idea, but the oaf didn’t need to know that.

“Because nobody would believe Jes and I as a couple,” she replied as they moved to a low-tempo waltz. “And we look so cute together, don’t you think?” He sighed impatiently. “Oh come now, Snookums. Is dancing with me really so terrible?”

“Don’t call me that.”

“So our cover story is--”

“--We don’t need a cover story--”

“--That we’re newlyweds touring Ketterdam on our honeymoon. We met when I was working in a sweet shop and fell madly in love.” His rhythm faltered for a second, but he continued scanning the room with the precise gaze of a hunter.

“Would you relax?” she huffed. “The target’s behind you on the sofa.”

“He could move.” She rolled her eyes.

“He’s half a bottle of champagne in and has that busty redhead girl on his knee. He’s not going anywhere. Just loosen up a little, will you? And hold me properly. You look like you’ve never held a woman before.” 

His jaw visibly tightened, but he should have known that would only encourage her. With a devious smile, she draped her arm around his neck and leaned in to whisper in his ear.

“And we both know _that_ isn’t true.” A faint shiver reverberated through him. He was far too easy to toy with. If only it would do her any good. “Only this time we aren’t naked.”

“ _Drusje_ ,” he ground out through gritted teeth. She quickly shushed him.

“Your modesty is going to blow our cover. We’re newlyweds, remember? If you keep up this maidenly blushing, people are going to think you aren't attending to your wife’s... _needs._ ”

Before he could protest, a tall, lithe man approached from behind Matthias, handsome and smartly dressed, focused singularly on Nina. She silently prayed he wasn't with their target, or the night was about to get very interesting. 

"Excuse me," he asked pleasantly with a tap on the Fjerdan's shoulder. "May I cut in? I don't often see such beautiful ladies at these events." She was prepared to play along so as not to draw attention, but as she tried to step away, Matthias's grip only tightened.

"No," he said in a low growl.

The man looked taken aback by his brusque refusal. Nina would have kicked her partner in the shin if he hadn't pulled her so closely against him, more than she had even tried to coax out of him just moments ago. She could feel his pulse quicken through their clasped hands.

"Oh darling, no need to be territorial," she crooned. The endearment and soft caress to his stubble-lined cheek made his eyes widen in alarm. Thankfully, the gentleman couldn't see his face. She giggled and turned up the charm. "Please forgive my husband, sir. We're only just married and he's not ready to share me yet."

That seemed to satisfy him. Men were such easy marks for her that it almost didn't seem fair. He straightened his jacket, the genial but now cautious smile returning to his face.

"You're a very lucky man, sir." It was difficult to see in the lamplight, but Matthias flushed. 

"I-I am." 

The man departed with a polite nod. Nina pressed her lips together to stifle a laugh, and he squinted back in annoyance.

“See, that’s what happens when you don’t play along.” 

“If you hadn’t insisted on this ridiculous--” She put a finger to his lips.

“Don’t argue _darling_ , or I’ll have to kiss you to keep up appearances. And wouldn’t that be _terrible_?” He stumbled again, looking away to nowhere in particular, but his thick arm steadfastly refused to loosen around her.

Either way, she would win.


	4. Odds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know, I'm slow. I've been very busy praying for the fate of humanity and chugging that Dumb Bitch Juice.

**Wylan & Jesper**

* * *

When they finally found Jesper, he was slumped down in his chair as the last open card table in a nearly empty club. They all knew why he wasn’t back at the Slat already. It was just a matter of narrowing down the list of gambling outfits he could be holed up in. 

“Damn it, Jes.”

Jesper slowly turned to them at the sound of Nina’s voice.

“Hey! There’s my two favorite people!” With a glazed-over smile, he tried to straighten up, but he fumbled. “Want to come have a drink with me?” Nina frowned.

“I think you’ve had enough. Time to get you home. Wylan, help me get him up.” He wrinkled his nose at the scent of spilled whiskey wafting off him.

“Ugh, you’re so boring, Nina,” Jesper groaned, swinging his free arm over the boy’s shoulders and leaning in uncomfortably close. “I bet _you_ would have let me buy you a drink.”

“You’re far enough in the red as it is.”

“Then you buy _me_ a drink.”

It was hard enough to decode Jesper’s flirting when he was sober. He flirted with everyone, and he seemed to take a particular delight in weaponizing it against Wylan. Before, it was embarrassing. It felt like being mocked, taunting him as part of some game to see just how much he could annoy him. With time, the edge disappeared, and it started to feel like something else entirely. It was impossible to focus when Jesper could pounce at any time, sending his heart rate into a gallop and his imagination...elsewhere. If only the merchling knew how serious he was.

It took very little to coax Jesper into bed, where his friends sat, trying to pull off his shoes. He regarded them with a curious, half-lidded stare, and then laughed. Wylan frowned.

“What’s so funny?”

“A ginger and a brunette in my bed at the same time. Now all we need is a blonde to tick another item off my bucket list. Is Matthias awake?” 

Nina snorted, but the other boy turned red.

“You keep your sticky paws off my man-muffin Jes,” she scolded. ”And besides, I don’t think anything in the world could convince him to get up now.”

“He would come for you. I know he would.” A sly grin creeped onto his face. “And depending on the scenario, you might not even need to ask.” She stood up quickly.

“Okay, I think we’re done here.”

“Nooo,” he whined, reaching for Wylan as he stood along with her. It was nice to not be the only one embarrassed by Jesper’s loose tongue for once.

Hmmm...His tongue…

“Stay and cuddle with me. I’ll be good and go to sleep. I promise,” he added. 

Wylan bristled at the thought, as well as Jesper’s calloused hand encircling his wrist. When he first imagined being invited into his bed, this was not what he had in mind. It was to be silent, with smacking mouths and the rustle of shedding fabric acting as the only dialogue.

“....Fine.”

Jesper cheered and yanked him back onto the mattress while Nina slipped out, stopping to give Wylan a telepathic smile. _Have fun._

He settled beside him with more false reluctance than the situation called for, which at this point was any amount at all. Jes, having no such inhibitions, flung an arm over his chest and nuzzled into his neck.

“You smell good, merchling,” he purred, his hot breath sending goosebumps down the boy’s skin. “Remind me to get hammered more often.”

“What are the odds of you remembering any of this?”

“Hmmm...I’d say sixty-forty. Maybe thirty-seventy.”

“Then it’s a deal.”

“Good.”

He pressed a clumsy kiss to the bend of Wylan’s jaw and promptly passed out.


End file.
